What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 09:09
She wouldn,t have been !
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I think the readers, may guess!
What are some mind-blowing facts about Michael Jackson?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
All the time i was locked up.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But it wasn’t much.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
How do I study with focus and concentration and avoid distractions and procrastination?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Who then, do I blame.?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why is the US going after Canada after all? What is the reason for all this hostility?
When she asked me how she looked .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
A father of 3 felt healthy. Then a routine screening found a rare, deadly illness. - CBS News
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
What are some ways to improve speed in sprinting, running uphill, and long/middle distance running?
Put me off passion for life!!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I couldn’t, believe it.
What was your first trans experience like?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So, i spoilt her more .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I have no regrets .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My life is so biszare .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im still living with it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
This is soul school!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Comes on , in middle age.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why did i forgive my father ?
We all went to grammer schools
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But ive been too sick for many years..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was 9 years of age.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
(And it was in our own minds.)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I waited trembling.
I write beautiful poetry .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was scared of men, in general
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
What did i know ?
Was to survive, this bastard.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was seconnd youngest,
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And i lived it daily.
I don,t even have a pension.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I said to her
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was in good health!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I will be 64.
We were not on the streets..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My family never makes their pension either.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It was going to be , some day.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Would this be the day?
I was very sick at this time too.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Ive learnt so much.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He knew the spot.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I never cut or harmed myself..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She married twice! .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So whats the point in blame.
She loved him until the end.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One cannot live in the past .